Sometimes when I take a shower I turn the water up as hot as it will go and just stand under it until I’m sure my skin is going to fall off.
I grab my body wash and scrub until I’m sure nothing of “me” is left.
I wash my face, imagining my skin falling off to reveal someone new.
I finish my shower inside of this brand new body. This brand new life.
In this new body that was once scalding feels comfortable and pleasant. I tell myself that that’s what awaits me on the other side of the shower door… A new life. A comfortable, pleasant life.
I’m finally done, I turn off the water and take a deep breath as I reach for the handle and when I’m ready I slide it back and wait for the steam to clear…….
I swear, my heart falls to the floor every time I realize that nothing about me has changed.